I'm A Man!
by Elise the Writing Desk
Summary: This is what happens when you're a sick person, you're bored, you're hungry and just a goddamn idiot. What happens, you ask? Let's see...uh...Wonderland in gender-bent version? Here you go. Eat it up.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm A Man!**  
July 10th 2013  
_by Elise the Writing Desk, Wonderful Wonder World by QuinRose_

* * *

One sunny, hot day in the Clock Tower, there was a curly-haired girl who was knocking on Alice's door.

"Yes, who is it?" Alice Liddell opened her door.

"Hey, Alice. I'm the Author." The curly girl said with bored face. She then took out a PSP console. "Do you recognize this device?"

"Um...no?" Alice blinked at PSP in confuse.

"This is what I use to control your daily work, your choices, and your life." Author said, and then took out a leash. "But for today, I have 'un-officially' asked your real Author; QuinRose, to alter the game."

Alice held her head with her hands. "What...? I don't get all of this."

"I know, that's why I will take you away."

"W-With a leash!? Where?"

"To meet my friend, Elise, AKA my brain."

"Aaargh, what is going on!?"

~.X.~

Elise turned out, was a talking writing desk (No, really, it's my brain, but I picture it as a desk). The Author then forced Alice to sit down in front of the desk and dropped the PSP in front of the teen.

"Wh-What do you want me to do?"

"Author, is it time to start?"

"The desk speaks!?"

"Yes." The Author held Alice's shoulders to keep her on her seat. "Listen to me. Right now, I want you to play a game; I want you to become a man."

Alice was gaping, as her brain was probably heating.

"Elise, let her write on you, like always." Author nodded.

"Okie-dokie!" the desk then hand-cuffed Alice's wrists. "Are you ready for a random madness?"

"N-No—"

"Here we go~!"

"NOO!"

~.X.~

Argh, what the heck did that Author girl just do to me!?

Opening my eyes, I found myself lying on the ground. The familiar grassy ground. I sat up and looked around, and my heart skipped a beat; my house was in sight.

Why would my house be here in Wonderland—wait a second...

Why did this feel like a de javu? I remembered this...this was...

Hm...if I wasn't mistaken, someone would come in...

Three...

Two...

One—

"Hello, Malice~!" I twitched, that wasn't the voice I was expecting. Turning my head, I saw someone I wasn't expecting. (She didn't hear correctly)

Okay, albino hair, red eyes...

But that's not Peter White!

She wore glasses with wolf-cut white hair and the same white rabbit ears on top of her head. Suddenly, she took my wrist and giggled, blushing.

"Let's go!"

"G-Go where?" I twitched as I noticed that something was wrong with my voice.

"Oh, hush! We're going!" she said and dragged me.

I was expecting for a bridal-style carry, but then again...

"No! Where are you taking me!?"

"To a great place!"

"I-Is this a kidnap?"

"I'm a girl, why would I kidnap you, my love~?"

I narrowed my eyes, unconsciously kept following her lead. 'My love'...? That sounded awfully familiar, somehow...

Hmm...

When I was busy thinking, the girl hugged me and dragged me to a hole.

"Wait—I knew what is this—Nooo!" I screamed, but it was too late, as I found myself falling down in this girl's embrace.

"Here we go, my love~!" she cooed as she hugged me tighter.

"I'm straaaiiight!"

~.X.~

I twitched and felt my everything was pained. Fortress of Doors...damn. I could've gone home if I realized—then again, I decided not to go home. But what the heck is—what is happening!?

This place was just Wonderland!

I looked around and noticed the Heart Palace, the Clock Tower, the Amusement Park, the Mansion...

What's the point of all this? Is this a paradox!?

"So what's the differ—"

"My love! Do you love it?" that albino girl glomped at me.

"Aargh! I told you, I'm straight!" I tried to push her away. She really reminded me of Peter. "Who are you!?"

Her rabbit ears hung down sadly as she frowned at me. "Malice doesn't recognize me! Maria is sad...!" she sulked.

I picked my ear before asking; "What did you just call me?"

"Malice, my lovely prince~!"

"My name is Alice!"

Suddenly this girl had a very dark, murderous look on her face, and I just noticed that she had a gun with her.

Where did that gun came out from anyway?

"Who's this Alice, my love!? Why are you saying other girl's name!? You're mine!"

Argh, that's it. I think I smelt my brain's burning.

"What's your name again?" I asked, though my brain was really burning.

"I'm Maria Blanc, my lovely prince~!" Maria glomped at me again, her rabbit ears tickling my face.

I just realized something...Since when I grew this tall?

...Wait, what did she said...!?

"Did you just call me a prince!?" I gasped.

"Yes, of course~! Malice is my handsome prince~!" Maria nodded, her rabbit ears swinging along.

I twitched. "B-But I'm...I'm not a boy! I'm—aargh! Where am I? What's going on? What happens!?"

Maria giggled, and took out a blue veil from her red coat pocket. "You're in the Country of Hearts, my love~!"

"I know." I deadpanned.

"As a man." A voice said behind me.

Maria quickly glomped at me again and as I turned, I saw the Author was sitting in a sofa.

I gaped. "Wh-What do you mean!?"

"Yeah, I changed you into a man, as simple as that~!" the Author yawned and fell back to her sofa.

"Why!?"

"Because I'm bored." She yawned again, and then cracked her back. "Now, Alice...or right now, Malice...you're in my game. In this game, everyone's the opposite gender from the original game."

I gaped, and instinctively, grabbed my chests.

...THEY'RE GONE!?

"Aaaargh! No way! That means...!?" I gaped and touched the 'thing' between my legs.

...No way. Nooo waaay...

I have new dick!? (*cough* PewDiePie *cough* Happy *cough* Wheels *cough*)

"Gyaaaaah! Turn me back!" I screeched, pulling my...short hair.

Damn. I'm not a girl anymore!?

"My love, why are you acting a bit gay~?" Maria asked me, still hugging me around my waist. "But no matter, I still love you, my prince~!"

I twitched, and sharply turned at the Author.

"TURN. ME. BACK."

"Sure, but..." she yawned, "You know the drill." That curly monster nodded to Maria. "Ask her how."

I inwardly groaned. "Maria—"

"Kyaa~ You said my name~!" Maria squealed and was practically breaking my back.

"...Whatever. How do I go home?"

Maria pouted sadly, and I felt a bit guilty. She waved the blue veil in her hand. And handed it to me.

"Argh, I get it." I rolled my eyes and snatched the veil. "Drink this, start the game, get to know everyone, go back to a girl."

Author clapped her hand. "Now that you're a man, isn't it better to say that 'you'll hook up' with everyone rather than 'get to know' them?"

I grimaced. "B-But I only have to get to know them, like back in the game! I didn't hook up with _everyone_!"

Author clicked her tongue, shaking her head. "No, in _my_ game, you should at least kiss everyone once without getting killed to fill that veil completely."

I facepalmed. "I want the original Author back."

"But you have to do it right, Malice!" the Author yelled at me, hands on her hips. "Stop acting girly! That pisses me off! Right now, you're a man! Now say it!"

"I...I'm a man..." I stuttered out with my new voice.

"My prince is my man~!" Maria nodded.

"Louder! Manlier!" Author demanded.

"I'm a man..." I noticed that I hated it that my _manly_ voice was speaking soft. "If I'm a girl, I will be a girl...if I'm a man...I don't want to be gay...I'm a man..."

"Louder!"

"I'm a man!" I said louder, hands on hips.

"Manlier! Find a different pose! Hands on hips is gay!"

I crossed my arms.

"I'M A MAN!"

Author nodded. "Off you go~!" she flicked her fingers and was gone in a blink.

I glared at the blue veil, opened it and drank the potion. Gulping the liquid through my throat I pocketed the veil into my...

...She changed my dress into a manlier clothes. That perverted curly head...

"Okay, this is it, huh? What is it, Maria?"

Maria was pouting deeply. "You're supposed to refuse drinking that potion! Then I'll drink it and forced you to drink it through my mouth! Then we'd be practically kissing!" she whined.

I twitched, remember that it happened with the real Peter.

"Whatever! I'm gonna go and hook up with all girls! I'm a man!" I walked through the door and Maria screeched.

"Nooo~! My love~! You should only hook up with me~!"

* * *

**I'm fucked up. I know. Any request or suggestions on who should Alice—cough—I mean, Malice meets first? Of course, the characters will be OC, but completely just the gender-bent version of everyone. Maria Blanc is just the opposite gender-version of Peter White. Her personality is the same of Peter. It's just that, she's a girl.**

**So inside, Malice is still Alice, but she'll starting to learn how to be a guy.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm A Man!**

* * *

This kind of situation gave me a bit advantage; I knew the place well. Though it'd take some strategies...

In other words; think of what Female-Role-Holders you'd rather not meet in the beginning. For example, if I ran to a female-Ace, I'd probably got slashed into two because he...I mean she's in the process of killing people.

And female-Tweedles would be a grave situation too...

So I stopped as I found myself in the familiar woods. Where should I go first that wouldn't risk my life—

"Kill her!" I flinched as in a mere moments, the land before me had turned into a gun-shot area.

A brunette with a familiar mask and bloody cape, she danced in the middle of female mafia people who were shooting frantically, but at the same time, that girl was moving swiftly in rhythm along with the gunshot, while her sword slashed those women into two parts.

I was pulling my short hair and grimaced.

What the heck did I just see!?

"Haa, what a mess~!" she chuckled and bowed to collect the clocks and shoved them into a bleeding bag.

Of all female-version Role Holders I had to meet...

I slowly, soundlessly sneaked away.

...I had not the slightest intention to say hi to female-Ace.

"...And where do you think you're going?" I froze mid-step. That girl giggled merrily and walked towards me, dragging her sword on the ground, leaving a trail of blood.

"Ooh, who is this...? A foreigner, how lovely!" she giggled and clasped her hands. "Oh well, I'll not kill you yet~!" she giggled again and skipped away into the bushes.

I sighed in relief and hugged a tree. "Ahh, tree...you're so bright and nice..."

"Do you like getting raped by trees?"

I jumped and saw the female-Ace again, this time,without her mask and bloody cape. She had the same brunette hair and ruby-eyes, but her hair was shoulder-length and she had a ribbon. In short, she's wearing Julius' hair-style.

"Uh, hi." I started, and was reminded that I'm a boy now.

I'm a boy...I'm a boy...I was a girl, so talking to a girl should be easy...

Unless you consciously realize that you're going to chat with the female version of Ace.

Ace, who almost killed me in the original Wonderland.

She giggled, and inched closer, before walking around me, observing and humming.

"Hmm, I kind of like _bishounen_...You're plain, but adorable." She giggled.

Ugh, why is it that—I know I'm plain, but even as a guy!?

"I'm Deuce! Nice meetin' ya!" she introduced herself and leaned into my chest, rubbing her cheek to my shirt. "Do you know, a foreigner is loved for their heart...I'm kind of curious to—"

Ace. Listens to heart. Equals bloody murderous rampage. (Fortunately was stopped by Boris)

Female-Ace. Listens to heart. No Boris. Equals...

(*cough* decapitate *cough*)

"Uh, I'm Malice, hahaha!" I quickly shoved her away and stepped back. "So I'm...uhh...I'll look around for a while, see ya—"

"Oh, gee, that's a wonderful idea!" she caught my wrist. "Let me show you great places! The Heart Palace, the Clock Tower..." she's been dragging me halfway before I remembered something.

"I don't think this is the right way..." in fact I know this was a way to...nowhere. The civilization was in the opposite direction.

"Ahaha~! Come now, bishounen foreigner, let me guide you~!" Deuce sang happily. "Aww, this can be a date~! And then we can make babies~!"

Even as a female, Ace...or Deuce, I must say...was mentally and direction-ally challenged. And perverted.

...Besides...

"Make babies!?" I exclaimed in horror. "Sorry, I don't swing that way!"

Deuce abruptly froze in her pace and turned at me with a terrifyingly amused face.

"Oh my God...you're a gay...?"

Right in the moment, I want to bash my head to the nearest tree, forgetting the fact that I was a guy now.

"No...I'm...uh..." frustrated, I was pulling my hair. "I'm actually a girl...so...so I have a girl mind and a male's body..."

Deuce snorted. "You just defined the word 'gay', though! Hehe!"

I facepalmed at how right she was.

"I-I I'm a man! I'm straight, okay! But...but I can't date girls! Because mentally I'm...I'm a girl...but I won't date boys with a guy's body...Aaargh this is so complicated!"

The brunette exploded into laughter, clutching her stomach and rolled on the ground.

"Ahahaha! Ahaha! A gender-confused foreigner! Ahahahaha!"

I twitched. "No! I'm not gender-confused! I'm...I'm a man!" I shouted loudly, motivating myself.

Deuce stopped laughing and sat up. She watched me for a while, and I knew she was scheming something, 'cause that's what Ace would do when he had something wacky on his crazy mind.

Standing up, Deuce walked to me and pressed herself to my body...and looked up to me with a smirk.

"If you think you're a man...then prove it." She demanded darkly. "Kiss me." She closed her eyes.

...

Did you hear that?

No, this; BOOM

That was the sound of my brain exploded.

Deuce's face was just an inch under mine, and her fingers were clutching onto my shirt.

This was soooo wrong in many level. I'm...I'm a girl! Mentally, I'm a girl...

No! Malice, what the heck! Right now, you're a man!

...

But then, that made whatever had happened in the original Wonderland felt so wrong!

Am I a woman or a man!?

Aargh! That damned curly-headed Author!

But then again...if I kiss Deuce, then the veil would be filled to some point. This is a great chance...!

"I'm waiting~"

I flinched at her sultry voice; it was feminine, but everything about her reminded me of Ace.

Oooh...wait, if I can just...imagine her as Ace...then maybe this isn't going to be too wrong...

"Here I go..." I murmured and closed my eyes as well, leaning in.

But then as I felt her breath on my face...

"I COULDN'T DO IT!" I screeched, sulking under a tree, while Deuce entered another laughing fit, probably crying from mirth.

"Ahahaha! Ahahahaha! That's just...Ahahahaha!"

I clamped my face, feeling hot and red. I could feel my face being red!? That confirmed how wrong this situation was!

Besides...the only one who had kissed me was Peter White, when he forced me to drink that potion. I shivered at the memory, thinking what would happen if Marie did that to me.

Malice...what the heck! You're not Alice now, you're _M_alice! You're a man!

...But now that I think about it...

"You stupid idiot!" I screeched at the laughing brunette. "Why would I kiss a stranger!? I'm not a..." whore...slut...bitch...what's the word for a guy...? "...A...An unfaithful man!"

Deuce stopped laughing at my argument.

I know, it sounded lame. Seriously, Malice? 'Unfaithful man'? Brain, what the heck.

"Oooh, so you're the faithful boy type? That's cute~!" Deuce said with the suspicious smirk which reminded me very much of Ace. "That's gonna be difficult, since you're a foreigner, and a man...what if we..." she stroke a finger on my chest, "...Want to play with you...?"

I'm a man...I'm a man...I'm a man...this was completely normal...

"S-Stop it!" I said and put her hand away from me. "I-It's not appropriate...for a s-stranger to do such a thing! I'm...I'm out of here!" I turned my heels and walked away.

Though I admit, I flinched when Deuce giggled behind me and said;

"Aww...gender-confused bishounen foreigner~!"

"I'm not gender-confused! I'm a man!" I yelled at her before stomping away again.

I'm a man.

I'm not gender confused. (Denial)

I'm just uncomfortable. (Self-convincing)

Author, stop yelling in my head! I'm not gender confused and I'm not in denial!

* * *

**So that's Deuce, Ace's gender-bent. What do you think of her? Tell me your favorite parts and which Role-Holder you want Malice to...get awkward with...in the next chapter~!**


End file.
